chasing cars

8.2.2016

Happy birthday, dear B. The world isn't the same without you.

When we had our first "fight," neither of us could sleep. We texted...we got nowhere...and finally we were silent. I got out of bed at 1 am and drove. I drove for 2 hours, thinking, getting lost on unknown streets, lost in my head. Then I heard this on the radio.

We'll do it all Everything On our own

We don't need Anything Or anyone

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

(Snow Patrol, Chasing Cars)

I found my way back to your house. Used my key, came in to find you lying awake in bed. I climbed in, told you of these words, crying. And we talked until we fell asleep in each other's arms as the sun rose. We DID lay there, forgetting the world. Forgetting my loss and my grief and my attempts at self-preservation. Forgetting your cancer and your pain and your regret. Forgetting that we would never have the kind of life together that we might have liked under other circumstances, that we would never do the things together that we wanted to. Forgetting our anger and hurt. Instead, just dreaming of the world we lived in together, in our heads, when the rest of it all fell away in the quiet wee hours of the morning.