good-bye, friends

9.25.2016

Relationships are tricky. My rapidly-changing life makes them even trickier. I left a career and I lost the 2 most important men in my life (to death)...so naturally, some relationships tied to those are falling by the wayside. In the meantime, I've been in grad school at two different schools. I've had 3 internships and a couple of jobs. I've dipped my toes in the online dating pool. I've tried a couple of new hobbies. I've met tons of new people and made tons of new friends.

With new introductions to new people comes new dynamics...and I'm realizing that while I've been building so very many rich new relationships, I can't expect everyone to be a friend. For most people, acquaintances come and go without a thought. However, my modus operandi has ALWAYS been to consider everyone a friend. I may be introverted, and I may like lots of alone time, but that doesn't mean I don't like people. I genuinely do. I truly enjoy sharing kindness with the people I meet and seeing the best in everyone I know and discovering what I have to learn from people.

But sometimes a person just doesn't want to be YOUR friend. Or sometimes we make mistakes in judgment about people, and no matter how many times we give them the benefit of the doubt, we learn that they simply aren't people WE want to be friends with. Today, I'm telling myself that it's okay to let go of the need to befriend everyone, and to let go of feeling bad about that, and to let go of the stones I'm holding as I start to build my walls a little higher.

Sometimes, a person wants to be your friend, and there are things that you value about him or her, but s/he also creates a lot of conflict in your life. Today, I'm telling myself that it's okay for me to let go of that, as well, and to know that I don't have to keep trying to take care of other people's emotions at my own expense. I'm not required to live with conflict in my life in order to make "friends" happy--that is NOT the definition of friendship.

Letting go--of anything--is hard for people who have lost a lot. We cling tightly to everything we (think we) have, trying to make sure nothing else disappears! However, if I'm being honest with myself I think that a few people come into our lives to be true friends--but most people come into our lives to teach us lessons. It's easier when we can figure out what those lessons are, of course, but on occasion that just doesn't happen. And reality is simply our own perception, anyway...right?

#lettinggo #friends #grief #loss