evil temptress

10.3.2016

October used to be my favorite month. But it was my last "good" month with my husband--he started having headaches and doctor appointments beginning on November 1, was hospitalized December 4, then died on January 20. So October is the start of a rough patch, and though in some ways it is easier now that it's been 6 years, in some ways this month will always feel like an evil temptress. She says, "Here...enjoy it all now...this amazing weather, the crispness of the air, the turning of the leaves, the simultaneous floating and crunching as you jump into leaf piles, your birthday, Halloween and costumes, much playtime, the energy that courses through your body as the heavy humidity of a Southern summer disappears...enjoy it all...because I'm going to snatch it all away from you in a heartbeat and your world is going to spin out of control in ways you never imagined possible."

You know how you can have a favorite food--until you get a stomach virus and throw up after eating your favorite food?! Even if you eat it later, you never quite experience the same pleasure that you did before you had the flu. You always have a little fear of it making you sick again. That's October and me.