stages of change

10.10.2019

I was in a workshop today to become a certified Mental Health First Aid provider. We were talking about substance abuse related to the Stages of Change model and observing that it often takes people months or years to be ready to change their substance use/abuse habits. As we talked about this model related to changes we've made in our own lives, it hit me that there should be one more stage here...grief. (A favorite topic for me, eh?!) Nearly any action that requires contemplation and preparation is likely to be an important one--and is likely to involve some sort of loss. I stop eating gluten and I grieve for my comfort foods, my pizza with friends, my favorite restaurants. I stop drinking and I grieve for the easy relaxation the glass of wine offered, the travel to visit wineries, the social nights at the local pub. I start running and I grieve for the early mornings snuggled under the blankets, for the lack of aches and pains, for the hours I would rather not be spending with the physical therapist. I break up with my spouse or partner and I grieve for the comfort we shared, for the memories we made, for the ability to come home to someone every night. I buy a new car and I grieve for the places my car took me and adventures we had together, for my heated and air conditioned seats, and for the wear and tear caused by children who are now grown. There are so many joys and there can be so much healing in new patterns, new people, new lives...but the old, if it's worth contemplation and preparation to let go of, also holds rewards that sometimes can't be replicated or replaced.